The real risk of comparing yourself to others
Making unhealthy comparisons between your life and the life of others is a common mistake we as people seem to often make, and those comparisons can lead you to end up in one of two different places depending on the nature of your comparison. You will either end up in a state of pride or a state of despair when you compare yourself to others. Let me give you a couple of examples of what I’m talking about.
Several years ago, my wife and I invited a good friend to join us for dinner at our home. This friend had been going through a particularly difficult season of life that involved all kinds of unexpected changes and disappointments. Partway through the conversation, she said something to the effect of, “I always thought that when I reached this season of life, my life would look much different. I keep looking at other people my age and I wonder why I haven’t achieved what they’ve achieved.” In that moment, the comparisons our friend was making led her to experience a heavy season of despair.
Around that same time, I remember engaging in conversation with another friend who was in a position of ministry leadership. He would regularly compare the ministry he served to other ministries and had developed an unhealthy attitude of pride about it. Sadly, soon after making those comparisons, his position was terminated and he had to swallow his pride while finding another line of work.
The early disciples of Christ struggled with making worldly comparisons as well, particularly during the early days of their ministries. At times, they would compare their place of prominence within the group to the others they served with. We’re also given an example of one disciple in particular who compared his devotion to Jesus to the level of devotion the other disciples possessed.
The disciple I’m referring to is Peter. There are a lot of things I appreciate about Peter, but also a few areas of character that took a little longer to develop. Peter was an action-taker. He was a man of conviction and he was quite willing to speak up and express an opinion, even when others were hesitant to do so. The other disciples recognized Peter’s leadership gifts. It’s clear that Jesus recognized and acknowledged those gifts as well, but there were a few lessons of humility that Peter needed to learn before he could really become the effective instrument he became in leadership of the early church. One of those lessons is illustrated for us in Mark 14:26-31, 66-72.
And when they had sung a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives. 27 And Jesus said to them, “You will all fall away, for it is written, ‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep will be scattered.’ 28 But after I am raised up, I will go before you to Galilee.” 29 Peter said to him, “Even though they all fall away, I will not.” 30 And Jesus said to him, “Truly, I tell you, this very night, before the rooster crows twice, you will deny me three times.” 31 But he said emphatically, “If I must die with you, I will not deny you.” And they all said the same. (Mark 14:26-31)
After enjoying the Passover meal together, Jesus and His disciples went to the Mount of Olives. Jesus continued to teach these men as they journeyed together, including revealing that these men who thought of themselves as devoted followers of Christ would fall away from Him. This action would be a prophetic fulfillment of the words given in Zechariah 13:7.
“Awake, O sword, against my shepherd, against the man who stands next to me,” declares the Lord of hosts. “Strike the shepherd, and the sheep will be scattered; I will turn my hand against the little ones.” (Zech. 13:7)
In most cases, when a leader is stricken or impacted, it will become a problem for those who follow him. This is a tactic that Satan often seems to utilize in his attempts to hurt the church. If he can hurt those in leadership, influence them to make moral compromises, persuade them to chase worldly ambitions, or take them out in some other way, this typically has a major impact on the churches they serve.
Shortly after saying these words, Jesus was arrested and crucified. His disciples fled and hid when that happened because they feared experiencing a similar fate. Jesus, the Good Shepherd, was struck and His followers scattered.
In the hours before this came to pass, I’m guessing this had to be difficult information for the disciples to hear, particularly on the heels of the fact that Jesus had also just revealed that one of them would betray Him. In response, Peter got a little defensive. The Scripture tells us that the other disciples got a little defensive as well and denied that they would abandon Jesus, but Peter’s words certainly stood out among the crowd.
In his pride, Peter compared himself to the others and insisted that even if the rest of the group was weak-willed and scattered, he would never do such a thing. He claimed that he would rather die than deny Jesus. Those are words that are easier said than lived out, and Jesus cautioned Peter, telling him that Peter really would deny Him that very night. In fact, before the rooster crowed twice, Peter would deny Jesus three separate times. Peter didn’t believe this for a second, but the words of Christ were shown to be true very soon after this conversation was complete.
And as Peter was below in the courtyard, one of the servant girls of the high priest came, 67 and seeing Peter warming himself, she looked at him and said, “You also were with the Nazarene, Jesus.” 68 But he denied it, saying, “I neither know nor understand what you mean.” And he went out into the gateway and the rooster crowed. 69 And the servant girl saw him and began again to say to the bystanders, “This man is one of them.” 70 But again he denied it. And after a little while the bystanders again said to Peter, “Certainly you are one of them, for you are a Galilean.” (Mark 14:66-70)
That very evening, Jesus was arrested and brought to the home of the high priest where He was questioned, accused, mocked, and hit. Peter lingered nearby, attempting to keep an eye on what was taking place. As a man of action, I suspect that there was a part of him that felt motivated to attempt to save the day and maybe intervene on behalf of Jesus. I picture Peter at this point attempting to operate like a spy. He wanted to remain near to Jesus without being recognized, so he hung out in the courtyard outside the high priest’s residence, warming himself near the fire as others were also doing.
We’re told that one of the servant girls figured out who Peter was and she claimed that Peter had been with Jesus. He denied it, and in the background, a rooster crowed. She then attempted to persuade others who were standing nearby that Peter was one of Christ’s followers. Again, he denied following Jesus. Finally, the group commented to him that without a doubt he must be one of Christ’s followers because he was a Galilean and it was in the region of Galilee that Jesus called His first disciples. Peter in particular had been a fisherman who fished on the Sea of Galilee.
When I read the account of this interesting moment in Peter’s life, I can’t help but acknowledge that we’ve all probably wrestled with the similar struggle of deciding whether or not we actually wanted to be identified as a follower of Christ in a public context.
When you were growing up, what did you primarily want to be known for? Did you want to be known for following Jesus, or was that an aspect of your life you preferred to keep quiet about? When you went away to college, was that what you wanted to be known for? Is that what you want to be known for on your social media? Is that what you want to be known for when you attempt to date someone new or start a new job? Lest we be too harsh on Peter, we need to admit that for most of us, there was very likely a time in our lives when we kept quiet about our relationship with Christ lest we experience some form of social repercussion for being outspoken.
But he began to invoke a curse on himself and to swear, “I do not know this man of whom you speak.” 72 And immediately the rooster crowed a second time. And Peter remembered how Jesus had said to him, “Before the rooster crows twice, you will deny me three times.” And he broke down and wept. (Mark 14:71-72)
Peter emphatically tried to deny any association with Jesus. He invoked a curse on himself. He swore. He denied knowing Jesus in any way, and as he did so, he heard the rooster crow a second time, just as Jesus prophesied. Peter, the man who compared himself to the other disciples and implied that he was more devoted to Jesus than they were had just denied Jesus when he was put to the test.
Peter was humbled by this mistake. We’re even told that proud Peter broke down and wept. Luke’s gospel gives us one additional detail about what took place at this moment to both prove the validity of every word Christ spoke while also teaching Peter a lesson in humility. Luke reveals to us that at the very moment Peter made his third denial, Jesus turned and looked at Peter.
But Peter said, “Man, I do not know what you are talking about.” And immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed. 61 And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. (Luke 22:60-61)
When I read a passage like this, I can’t help but wonder what decisions I would make in life if I had to directly look at the face of Jesus while making those decisions. In fact, to help encourage myself to live with a clear conscience, this is something I make a point to imagine in my mind. I attempt to picture the face of Christ because in doing so, I’m acknowledging the fact that I’m called to serve Jesus who is our merciful and sympathetic high priest. He understands everything I’m wrestling with, yet He also knows that His power is sufficient enough to enable me to say no to sin, temptation, and ungodliness.
If we’re going to compare ourselves to anyone, it shouldn’t be one another. Worldly comparisons only lead to pride and despair. The standard we should compare ourselves to is Jesus. He is perfect in holiness and He invites us to follow Him, obey His teaching, and represent Him wherever He sends us.
Comparing ourselves to His standard is the healthiest comparison we can make. It will produce humility when we realize that He alone is perfect. It will also remind us of our dependence on Him to bridge the gap between our rebellious hearts and the holiness of God.
© John Stange, 2024