Becoming a good forgiver

The author, Robert Jordan, is famous for having said, “Men forget, but never forgive; women forgive, but never forget.”  I don’t know what you think about that quote or whether it’s a concept you’re likely to agree or disagree with, but I think we can all attest to the fact that forgiveness, whenever it is practiced, is an intentional and sacrificial act.

 My mind easily recalls people and situations that the Lord called me to extend forgiveness toward, even though it wasn’t easy to do so.  Likewise, I’m often reminded of moments in my life when I was the one who needed forgiveness.  I’ve even heard it said that, “A healthy marriage is made up of two good forgivers.”  I don’t know who to attribute that quote to, but I certainly agree with whoever first said it.

 And if you find it particularly difficult to extend forgiveness, please understand that the Lord isn’t asking you to do something He wasn’t willing to do first.  There is no greater example of forgiveness than the forgiveness we’ve been offered through the Son of God, Jesus Christ.  Jesus who had done no wrong bore our sin on the cross so that we could be indwelled with His presence, gifted with His righteousness, and forgiven us of every wrong we’ve ever committed in act, attitude, or nature.

The third chapter of the book of Hosea illustrates the relational and eternal power of forgiveness in a way that can’t help but impact us.  I still remember the very first time I gave serious thought to this portion of Scripture.  I was visiting a Sunday School class at the church my wife grew up in.  The class was taught by the youth pastor, and I was literally amazed by the words of this passage, the depth of the forgiveness of God, and the ways He asks us to forgive those who have sinned against us.

God loves those who are painful to love.

And the Lord said to me, “Go again, love a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress, even as the Lord loves the children of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love cakes of raisins.” (Hosea 3:1)

 The previous two chapters of Hosea’s book painted a picture of unfaithfulness that’s challenging to think about.  Hosea was instructed to marry Gomer, a woman who wouldn’t remain true to him.  They had a child together, followed by her conceiving two additional children that in all likelihood were not Hosea’s children.  

 Their relationship was meant to illustrate the nature of the relationship Israel had with God during that era of history.  God loved Israel, but Israel loved the things of this world and the false assurances of worldly aspirations more than she loved the Lord.  Gomer was likewise caught up in this same mindset.  Not only did she reject the Lord, she also rejected her husband.  God’s grief toward His bride was on full display for anyone who cared to observe what was taking place in Hosea’s prophetically significant marriage.

 Along the way, it appears that Gomer was not only unfaithful to Hosea, but she left his house to pursue others along with the trappings of their decadent and idolatrous culture.  As he pondered how to respond, the Lord instructed Hosea to pursue Gomer again and love her.

 When most people use the word “love”, they often speak of an emotional attraction or infatuation that is highly conditional in nature.  When the Lord instructed Hosea to love Gomer, He meant much more than that.

 True love involves seeking the best for someone else, even at great personal cost to yourself.  True love is often exhibited in contrast to how one might naturally feel.  It’s an act of the will that forces us to resist becoming defensive.  It also puts us in a position where we can be easily hurt.  If I don’t care about someone, they don’t run much risk of hurting me in a lasting way because they’re easy for me to stop thinking about and even easier for me to avoid interacting with.  But when I love someone like my wife, children, extended family, or friends, I’m taking a big risk because the odds of them hurting me are high.

 God willingly takes that risk with us.  He’s willing to love those who are painful to love.  When Jesus took on flesh, walked among us, and died in our place, He certainly experienced pain.  And yet it was all worth it to Him.  He made the choice to love seemingly unlovable people and He will not be rescinding or revoking that decision. 

God has purchased our freedom from slavery to sin.

So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and a homer and a lethech of barley.  (Hosea 3:2)

 Throughout the Scriptures, the concept of slavery is addressed in multiple ways.  As detestable as slavery is to our modern sensibilities, it has very sadly been practiced by all people groups throughout the course of human history.  We see examples of slavery in the modern era, but we also see examples in the era when Hosea was living as well.

 Believe it or not, some forms of slavery were, in a sense, voluntary.  One of the most common ways a person might historically become a slave was through owing a debt and then offering themself as a slave for a period of time in order to repay that debt.  It's a more extreme example of the way we commonly joke about washing dishes at a restaurant if we discover that we don’t have enough money to pay our tab.

 I don’t know all the details of Gomer’s slavery, but it appears that she was reaping the consequences of her terrible life choices.  Somehow, whether through personal indulgences, actions connected to prostitution, or through force, she had become a slave after leaving Hosea’s home.  Hosea was instructed by God to buy her back.  He was told to purchase Gomer’s freedom.  That action sounds strikingly familiar to what God has done on our behalf.

For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, 14 who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins.  (Colossians 1:13-14, NLT)

 Hosea rescued Gomer and purchased her freedom from slavery.  God rescues His people and purchased our freedom with the blood of His Son, Jesus Christ.  We are now free to live in righteousness and avoid being further entrapped by the sin that once held us captive.

God invites His people to dwell with Him in close fellowship.

And I said to her, “You must dwell as mine for many days. You shall not play the whore, or belong to another man; so will I also be to you.”  (Hosea 3:3)

 Hosea instructed Gomer to live with him and stop giving herself to others.  This was an invitation to rekindle a close relationship of fellowship and renewed trust.  In this invitation, Hosea says something rather strong that I feel compelled to highlight.  He said to Gomer, “You shall not play the whore.”  How does that instruction strike you?

 I recognize that isn’t the kind of sentence you might want to use among polite company, but it is helpful for us to think of things in stark terms when it comes to the nature of our sin and what that sin is doing to us.

 Every time I give in to my old nature and welcome sin into my life, I’m being unfaithful to God.  I’m effectively playing the part of a “whore”, and I don’t mind speaking of my seasons of spiritual unfaithfulness to the Lord that way because it paints a more accurate picture of the severity of sin than glazing over it will.

 We’ve played the part of the whore long enough.  Now is the time for us to enjoy close fellowship with our Lord who has no desire to see us as we once were.  In His eyes, we become a spotless and precious bride, so let’s not return to the mess He first found us in.

Purge your life of the idols you once worshipped.

For the children of Israel shall dwell many days without king or prince, without sacrifice or pillar, without ephod or household gods.  (Hosea 3:4)

 During Hosea’s days, the people of Israel were adopting the idolatrous worship practices of the Canaanites who worshipped Baal and carried out all sorts of godless traditions and sacrifices.

 Israel was being called to purge their lives of idols.  We’re called to purge the idols from our lives as well.

 One of the ways you can identify if there’s an idol in your life is through your behaviors when you’re angry, stressed, worried, or in pain.  What do you do in those moments?  Where are you seeking comfort?  How are you trying to distract yourself or sooth your pain?  If Jesus isn’t your primary comfort, you may be welcoming the presence of hidden idols into your life.  

 Purge your life of the idols and find rest for your soul in Jesus.

Get ready for the return of Jesus.

Afterward the children of Israel shall return and seek the Lord their God, and David their king, and they shall come in fear to the Lord and to his goodness in the latter days.  (Hosea 3:5)

 One of the joys we find in reading prophetic books is the fact that not only do they confront present-day problems, they also reveal future blessings.  The Holy Spirit revealed to Hosea future blessings that will be enjoyed by God’s people and directed him to write these words down at the conclusion of this chapter.

 It was revealed to Hosea that even though there was much idolatry at present, a day was coming when the children of Israel would return to the Lord and worship Him as God.  Likewise, there would be a day when Israel would acknowledge David as their king.

 That’s an interesting thing to contemplate, especially since David was from the southern kingdom of Judah, and at the time of Hosea’s writing Israel and Judah were not operating in unity.  It should also be noted that David had been king roughly 250-300 years prior to this passage being written, so this must be referring to a king who would be a direct descendent of David.

 Hosea’s words give further confirmation of the words Nathan the prophet spoke on behalf of God to David several hundred years earlier.

And your house and your kingdom shall be made sure forever before me. Your throne shall be established forever.’  (2 Samuel 7:16)

 This promise is yet another prophetic promise that finds its ultimate fulfillment in Jesus who, in regard to His earthly lineage, was a descendent of David.  Jesus is the “David” that Hosea was speaking of.  The one who would one day be acknowledged as King by the people of Israel.

 That day is coming, but we don’t have to wait to see Him with our eyes before acknowledging Him as our Rescuer, Redeemer, Messiah, and King.  We can honor Him as King today.

© John Stange, 2025