10 ways men can make their marriages miserable
Many people have tried to offer advice to men on how to strengthen their marriages. Please allow me to take a different approach and offer a few words of advice on how men can have miserable marriages and lose the respect of their wives and children.
1. CHOOSE NOT TO LEAD. Defer all important decisions to someone else. Don't provide spiritual leadership, financial leadership, or household leadership of any kind.
2. DON'T WORK HARD. Let your wife carry the burden of providing for your family's financial needs. That way you'll never have to miss an episode of your favorite shows for something as boring as a job.
3. FOCUS EXCLUSIVELY ON WHAT INTERESTS YOU. Don't bother to engage your wife or children in conversation or show any interest in what might be important to them.
4. KEEP LIVING IN A DAYDREAM. Somehow, the world hasn't figured out how awesome and smart you are, but eventually, the world is going to discover that you're a genius. Then you'll be praised and showered with money.
5. WASTE YOUR WIFE'S MONEY. Just because she's the one financially supporting your video game addiction, doesn't mean she can protest your expert financial decisions. Besides, the electricity doesn't usually get shut off after only one past-due notice.
6. FEED YOUR WANDERING EYES. Why bother resisting the temptation to lust after other women? Frankly speaking, your wife is starting to look a little too tired and worn out for your tastes - especially after spending years supporting you.
7. COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR NEED FOR INTIMACY. When you got married, your wife contractually agreed to be intimate with you even though she doesn't find a man who doesn't lead, work or hold a conversation attractive. That's her problem, not yours. Complain more and she'll probably give in.
8. DON'T HELP OUT AT HOME. In addition to her work outside the home, make sure your wife understands that it is her responsibility to keep you fed, clean the house, and care for the children. You do your part by being awesome.
9. KEEP MAKING EMPTY PROMISES. Promise your wife that things will get better, then make new promises when you break those. Promise your kids that you'll start being there for them then convince them that they heard you wrong if they ask follow-up questions sometime in the future.
10. BLAME. It's not your fault that things aren't so great. It's probably the economy's fault, your parents' fault, your disorder's fault or maybe it's because you have a bad back that you can't manage responsibility. Just keep blaming. Eventually, something will stick.
© John Stange, 2024